How to Have an Orgasmic Birth: Seven Simple Steps

Ha! That got your attention. OK, firstly - I couldn’t even tell you how to have a guaranteed orgasm right now. Secondly - if it was as simple as ordering from a menu, the majority of us would leap at it….but seeing as it isn’t; we need to ‘work’ at it, get informed & get lucky. Thirdly - reach for the stars; you might not get the orgasms, but you’d probably be content with an ecstatic, or positive birth.

I had an ecstatic birth experience with my second (which was not what I had expected); I was in a delicious, altered state (ex-statis) but I have to add that the peaks of the contractions still hurt. Let’s get real…I wasn’t Hypnobirthing (why?!) I could manage the contractions, though; I could do it (as

my badass birth affirmation cards say: ‘60 seconds, I can hang on for 60 fucking seconds’). I remember feeling great in between surges & thinking I might come, but the waves I was riding were huge & the notion of directing the ship was laughable.

Birth Hormones 101:

You need Oxytocin: your own natural Oxytocin. It crosses the blood-brain barrier & produces a morphine-like response. Not the synthetic kind of Oxytocin that gives you super-strong contractions without the natural painkilling response.

Oxytocin is primarily the hormone of love, birth & sex. It is a ‘shy’ hormone & comes out when you feel secure, safe, unobserved, supported, loved & confident. It likes darkness or candlelight, no chatter, no questions, warmth, kisses, cuddles, arousal & privacy.

Oxytocin has an arch-enemy that it cannot co-exist with: hormones of the Adrenaline family. Fear hormones literally block the receptors that birth’s best love hormone fit into. They have the same ‘key’ & Adrenaline has more muscle.

This mechanism is basic evolutionary survival - we don’t feel the urge to relax or make love when we are in danger. If we’re in labour and a predator comes along, everything stops & we escape (as did our ancestors who lived to tell the tale & reproduce). Paradoxically in very late labour, a threat can have the opposite effect - the baby is born quickly so the mother can escape. These days that ‘lion’ threat has become the threat of intervention (c-section, transfer, etc).

>>Adrenaline & Oxytocin Antagonism>>

Note: This is just one of the hormones of the Adrenaline family.

So, you need to do everything you can to keep off of the cycle below left, which is painful & progresses more slowly (& often with complications)…and on the right path. This may happen by luck, or you may have to work at it…. all.through.your.pregnancy.

A better birth really is worth the investment of time & (possibly even) money, but most people spend more on their weddings or holidays than they would consider investing in the best possible birth experience.

What you can do:

1. Get positive – read positive birth stories and books that appeal to you. For birth stories I like ‘Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth’ & the website I also love Bump by Kate Evans & The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill. Tell anyone intent on sharing negative stories to shut.the.fuck.up.

2. Watch positive films like Orgasmic Birth. I saw an interview with the husband of a loved-up woman shown giving birth in the film, where when asked ‘what did you think when you saw your wife having an orgasm?’ He responded ‘Well, it’s not unusual’!

3. Arousal & orgasm have a natural, painkilling response. I’m not suggesting you get into S&M. I’m suggesting you make this work for you. If, through pregnancy you use orgasm for aches & pains, this is more likely to become your conditioned response in labour. Each time you do this, you’re strengthening your neural pathways for pleasure. Pathways well travelled become roads & eventually highways. We are creatures of habit. We can totally do this with self pleasure, but if you have a partner, their involvement in this plan is a win-win; not only can it be good for your relationship, actually explaining why you want to do this means they start to understand both the hormones of birth & Adrenaline/Oxytocin antagonism. Cue ‘I have a headache’ becoming like a red rag to a bull!

4. Go to Positive Birth groups. They’re free & you get to meet other parents-to-be, share your knowledge & get well informed.

5. You might want to hire a doula (a non-medical birth assistant) to give you continuous support throughout your pregnancy & birth. This needn’t be expensive. There are trainee doulas, as well as voluntary doulas working through the access fund. Numerous studies have shown that doula supported births are in general shorter, with fewer requests for pain medication, fewer medical interventions & result in greater maternal satisfaction. See

6. Do check out the website - daily exercises for optimal fetal positioning are a very good idea if you want a straightforward birth.

7. Assemble a ‘birth tool kit’: look into what might help you & pick & choose: you might like prenatal yoga classes, meditation, acupuncture, osteopathy or massage. You might want to use a birth pool, a tens machine, an Epi-no, a CUB birth support or a birth ball. You might also like to print out some birth affirmations or collect images that are relevant to you; this might be a beautiful rose softly opening or a raging, roaring tiger (nobody checks a tiger’s cervix)!

Early labour is a great time for sensuous massage and a bit of nookie, or self -pleasure. Established labour can be too intense to start. Even a juicy kiss in established labour brings on stronger contractions, which you may find good…or not!

Almost all births are home births at first & this is the perfect point to ramp up the love hormones – make the most of any private time, until you reach the magic 3-in-10 point (three regular contractions in ten minutes). If you have a partner who’s not keen, or if they’re settling the kids, then for heaven’s sake, take matters into your own hands…it’s all in your hands…a bit of preparation for a better birth can go a very long way.

Featured Posts
Posts are coming soon
Stay tuned...
Recent Posts
Search By Tags
No tags yet.
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
  • Twitter Basic Square
  • Google+ Basic Square